And now it really starts

Life here is getting harder.

I don’t really know what I was expecting to happen; I guess I never thought I would consider being tired and having a perpetually hoarse voice normal. I think above and beyond the crazy schedule, lack of sleep, and piles of work to do, the thing that’s been most challenging so far—and I know this is going to sound kind of funny—is actively living out my faith every day in everything. We don’t kid around about living an intentional life of prayer here.

I’ve been “doing” youth ministry for a couple years now, by which I mean being involved in Life Teen at BK, planning retreats, helping lead praise and worship for Confirmation. So I thought that I knew what I was getting myself into when I signed up for a year at a Life Teen camp: planning retreats, maybe helping lead some praise and worship, learning a little about office work. But let me tell you, God definitely has other plans, and I’m just scratching the surface of them now.

I’m not going to lie, it’s been a challenge to finish the last session of a retreat just to get ready for another group to come in 2 hours later and serve them as well. I’ve been forced to move outside my comfort zone in both relational ministry and in how we plan and execute events. Everyone has different experience and different styles of ministry, and sometimes it’s hard to remember that we’re all reaching for the same goal.

Sometimes I wish I weren’t so human. It’s been a real challenge for me to keep myself oriented around prayer when stress levels run high—which is the whole point, after all. That’s why I’m here.

But despite how difficult things are starting to become, despite how inadequate I feel most of the time, despite how frustrated I get with myself when I feel like I’ve taken yet another spiritual step backward, I am still so excited about being here and serving. I know that through all of this difficulty—because of all of it—God is molding me into who He wants me to be, and I will only grow closer to Him in the end.

I still have a lot to learn about living out love, but I have a feeling that I’ll have plenty of time to learn. Luckily, God is a very patient teacher...