Why Missionaries Shouldn’t Wear Mascara

These last few days have been full of emotion for me; so much so that I feel a little drained, actually. Thankfully, the other missionaries have been very gracious and supportive during the multiple times I’ve cried over the course of this last week. I think they understand that part of me; that I just cannot contain some things.

Formation classes have been so amazing. I am learning so much, not only about my faith, but about myself as well. I’ve talked before about this being a year during which God reveals simple truths to me, and the last couple days have been no exception. We’ve been talking about St. Therese because she is the patroness of mission, and we’re getting ready to go to Mexico (sooner than later! It’s crazy how quick this trip is coming up!). St. Therese called herself the little flower because of how simple she was, and it is precisely her simplicity that attracts me to her. Here’s the simple truth about St. Therese: she LOVES God—unequivocally, irrevocably, passionately.

I am blown away by St. Therese, by the depth of her love for God. And while we were talking about this in formation, I was just overwhelmed with the feeling that I do not love God nearly enough. I love things about God, I love doing work for Him; but I somehow stop when it comes down to loving God the person, the Creator of the universe, the be all and end all. Where did that get lost?!? Without that central truth, there is nothing. I am so firmly convicted about the necessity to re-orient myself around love of God Himself; I think the “big work” that God is doing with me this year is re-capturing my heart, drawing it closer to His, and revealing more about Himself to me. My prayer is that I can get to a point this year when I can say, like St. Therese did, “let me neither look for nor find anyone but You and You alone. Let all creatures be as nothing to me and me as nothing to them. Let no earthly things disturb my peace. O Jesus, I ask only for peace—peace and above all love that is without measure or limits...To You, my Beloved, I offer myself so that You may fulfill in me Your holy Will without a single creature placing any obstacle in the way.”

We’ve also been doing more local outreach lately, which has been really awesome, but incredibly difficult at the same time. A couple days ago, Chris, Erik, Sean, Thomas and I went to help out a lady who lives about 10 minutes from us; we were clearing some of the trees from the front of her trailer and putting some framing on one of her windows. At first, it was your “typical” service project: there were really thorny trees that got stuck all over my clothing, it was freezing outside, Chris managed to spray cat poop all over me with the line trimmer. But then, Erik asked me to help hold up part of the framing for the window on the inside of the house, and I got to take a good, long look at how this woman lives. And it broke my heart.

I don’t understand how this lady can live the way she does. The roof of her trailer, which makes our double-wide look like a palace, is caving in; she has no shower, but instead uses a garden hose that she feeds through the window; her house is so badly insulated that ice is beginning to form on the inside. This house was one of the dirtiest houses I have ever seen. I looked at the window we were framing and felt so defeated; I wanted to buy her a whole new trailer. I was completely overwhelmed by how alone and hopeless this lady is. How many people in her life have forgotten about her? Where is her family? How long has she lived like this? What can I possibly do to help her?

I am having a hard time accepting the fact that all I can do is be Christ to this woman in small ways; that doing something as small as framing a window, as long as it’s done with love, can make a huge impact in her life. I just want her to see her dignity restored, the dignity that she was created with as a daughter of God. Please keep her in your prayers, and pray that I can understand more fully what it means to be a servant.