So here’s what I’m discovering about missionary work: it involves doing a whole bunch of stuff that other people just don’t want to do, but is really necessary. If you’re ever wandering around Covecrest and you’re wondering who changes out the toilet paper, or who cleaned the sheets you’re sleeping on, or who washes the dishes, you can bet it was one of us. I think we’re all kind of struggling with that at the moment; loving God and serving Him through all the small, seemingly insignificant things of everyday life. We’ve talked quite a bit about “loving until it hurts” lately, something we’ve adopted from Mother Teresa’s life, and I think I’m just scratching the surface of what that means. It means washing the mugs a 6th time within the space of an hour because you know that a group wants hot chocolate when it’s raining outside. It means working and praying through tiredness when you wake up to cook and serve a group breakfast after 5 hours of sleep and a 15-hour workday the day before. It means doing things that probably go unnoticed, but doing them out of love for God and His children whom He’s called us to serve.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, love is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails” (1 Cor. 13:4-8).
I’m slowly working my way toward making my life parallel Paul’s definition of love. It’s a daily struggle for me. This is a critical time; either I continue to throw myself into a “life that is not my own” (Galatians), or I stop because it doesn’t look exactly how I expected it to. Now is when faith becomes a choice, when love starts becoming. But it’s precisely in the choosing that we grow closer to God. It’s about every day, running toward God’s mercy and re-choosing love. It’s about knowing that when I’m not smart enough, or strong enough, or wise enough, or holy enough, God says, “I AM.”
“He does not faint nor grow weary...He gives strength to the fainting; for the weak He makes vigor abound” (Isaiah 40:28-29).
Friday, October 24, 2008
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Revelations
It’s been another crazy week! I feel like I should stop writing that, because while I think it will always be true to a certain extent, it will start feeling very repetitive. It’s just amazing to me how many new things I keep learning. It never stops! Every day has a new opportunity, a new skill to learn, a new kind of prayer, a new level of friendship. I have never learned so much in my life.
Luckily, I am a nerd, and I love to learn new things.
Last weekend we went down to Atlanta for a Theology of the Body conference presented by Christopher West. What I would like to know is: where has this been all my life?! I am going to have to get myself a copy of the book—or at least Christopher West’s commentary as a start. I can’t even begin to write about the revelations I had over those two days; there are just too many. Suffice it to say that life and vocations and family—basically every relationship I have or have ever had or ever will have—makes a lot more sense now. The most significant thing I took away from the weekend was the realization of what an amazing blessing it is to be a woman; I’m just starting to really appreciate how God made me and what that looks like and what that means for me and my life, as a woman. It’s definitely something I’ll have to explore more and live into as I continue my year here.
I also realized this weekend just how much I’ve already grown attached to being here, how much this already feels like home. I mean, I’ve talked before about loving the lifestyle here, but I’ve come to understand that it goes above and beyond that as well. I was gone for about 4 days—4 days that were actually surprisingly hard! I loved being able to see my family and spend time with them, but the whole time I was away I had a feeling that there was another family that I was separated from. It was really good, although somewhat odd, when the plane landed back in Atlanta on Wednesday and I felt relieved to be back “home.” I certainly did not expect that; or at least expect it to happen so quickly.
Please pray for all of us here as we discern as a community the best direction for our mission trip in December. And please continue to pray for me, as I grow and learn and love out here—and know that I am praying for you too.
Luckily, I am a nerd, and I love to learn new things.
Last weekend we went down to Atlanta for a Theology of the Body conference presented by Christopher West. What I would like to know is: where has this been all my life?! I am going to have to get myself a copy of the book—or at least Christopher West’s commentary as a start. I can’t even begin to write about the revelations I had over those two days; there are just too many. Suffice it to say that life and vocations and family—basically every relationship I have or have ever had or ever will have—makes a lot more sense now. The most significant thing I took away from the weekend was the realization of what an amazing blessing it is to be a woman; I’m just starting to really appreciate how God made me and what that looks like and what that means for me and my life, as a woman. It’s definitely something I’ll have to explore more and live into as I continue my year here.
I also realized this weekend just how much I’ve already grown attached to being here, how much this already feels like home. I mean, I’ve talked before about loving the lifestyle here, but I’ve come to understand that it goes above and beyond that as well. I was gone for about 4 days—4 days that were actually surprisingly hard! I loved being able to see my family and spend time with them, but the whole time I was away I had a feeling that there was another family that I was separated from. It was really good, although somewhat odd, when the plane landed back in Atlanta on Wednesday and I felt relieved to be back “home.” I certainly did not expect that; or at least expect it to happen so quickly.
Please pray for all of us here as we discern as a community the best direction for our mission trip in December. And please continue to pray for me, as I grow and learn and love out here—and know that I am praying for you too.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
And now it really starts
Life here is getting harder.
I don’t really know what I was expecting to happen; I guess I never thought I would consider being tired and having a perpetually hoarse voice normal. I think above and beyond the crazy schedule, lack of sleep, and piles of work to do, the thing that’s been most challenging so far—and I know this is going to sound kind of funny—is actively living out my faith every day in everything. We don’t kid around about living an intentional life of prayer here.
I’ve been “doing” youth ministry for a couple years now, by which I mean being involved in Life Teen at BK, planning retreats, helping lead praise and worship for Confirmation. So I thought that I knew what I was getting myself into when I signed up for a year at a Life Teen camp: planning retreats, maybe helping lead some praise and worship, learning a little about office work. But let me tell you, God definitely has other plans, and I’m just scratching the surface of them now.
I’m not going to lie, it’s been a challenge to finish the last session of a retreat just to get ready for another group to come in 2 hours later and serve them as well. I’ve been forced to move outside my comfort zone in both relational ministry and in how we plan and execute events. Everyone has different experience and different styles of ministry, and sometimes it’s hard to remember that we’re all reaching for the same goal.
Sometimes I wish I weren’t so human. It’s been a real challenge for me to keep myself oriented around prayer when stress levels run high—which is the whole point, after all. That’s why I’m here.
But despite how difficult things are starting to become, despite how inadequate I feel most of the time, despite how frustrated I get with myself when I feel like I’ve taken yet another spiritual step backward, I am still so excited about being here and serving. I know that through all of this difficulty—because of all of it—God is molding me into who He wants me to be, and I will only grow closer to Him in the end.
I still have a lot to learn about living out love, but I have a feeling that I’ll have plenty of time to learn. Luckily, God is a very patient teacher...
I don’t really know what I was expecting to happen; I guess I never thought I would consider being tired and having a perpetually hoarse voice normal. I think above and beyond the crazy schedule, lack of sleep, and piles of work to do, the thing that’s been most challenging so far—and I know this is going to sound kind of funny—is actively living out my faith every day in everything. We don’t kid around about living an intentional life of prayer here.
I’ve been “doing” youth ministry for a couple years now, by which I mean being involved in Life Teen at BK, planning retreats, helping lead praise and worship for Confirmation. So I thought that I knew what I was getting myself into when I signed up for a year at a Life Teen camp: planning retreats, maybe helping lead some praise and worship, learning a little about office work. But let me tell you, God definitely has other plans, and I’m just scratching the surface of them now.
I’m not going to lie, it’s been a challenge to finish the last session of a retreat just to get ready for another group to come in 2 hours later and serve them as well. I’ve been forced to move outside my comfort zone in both relational ministry and in how we plan and execute events. Everyone has different experience and different styles of ministry, and sometimes it’s hard to remember that we’re all reaching for the same goal.
Sometimes I wish I weren’t so human. It’s been a real challenge for me to keep myself oriented around prayer when stress levels run high—which is the whole point, after all. That’s why I’m here.
But despite how difficult things are starting to become, despite how inadequate I feel most of the time, despite how frustrated I get with myself when I feel like I’ve taken yet another spiritual step backward, I am still so excited about being here and serving. I know that through all of this difficulty—because of all of it—God is molding me into who He wants me to be, and I will only grow closer to Him in the end.
I still have a lot to learn about living out love, but I have a feeling that I’ll have plenty of time to learn. Luckily, God is a very patient teacher...
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