So much has happened since I blogged last!
After a whirlwind trip to Germany (which I will get into more detail later, don’t you worry!), a ten hour flight back to Atlanta, and a two hour drive with 20 youth ministers on the crazy Covecrest bus, I showed up and immediately jumped back into life at camp: getting the chapel ready for Mass, helping to serve dinner, and praying with the folks here for Spring Training.
Welcome back!
Honestly, as crazy as it was to jump right back into the thick of things (all while trying to adjust to the time change!), Spring Training was awesome. It was great to have all the youth ministers here to share with us their blessings and struggles in ministry—many of which are the same we face as missionaries. It’s good to know that the young people in parishes all across the country are in such good hands; hands that are imperfect, yes, but striving for holiness nonetheless. I was filled with such hope for the Church, knowing that God is moving in powerful ways in the hearts of these youth ministers, and that He is just overflowing from them onto the teens they minister to.
Speaking of hope, I think that’s the word that best describes my experience while I was visiting Life Teen Suesterseel. The harvest is abundant, and the laborers are few! The beauty of that fact is that the harvest is abundant, which is something that only inspires hope for the future of the Church there. I really don’t know how to fully articulate everything that I experienced on my trip to Germany, but I think the chorus of this song says some of what I want to say:
“There is no one like our God!
Greater things are yet to come,
Greater things are still to be done in this city!”
I still don’t quite know what part I will play in the new evangelization that’s needed in that part of the world, but I know that great things are about to happen there. There is so much more that happened while I was there; I couldn’t even write it all down here. If you’re curious about some of those things, send me an email or give me a call and we can talk a little bit more about all that went on. I’m still processing, and I’ll be praying about Germany for a long time!
Thank you so much for your prayers for my trip, and please continue to pray for me as I discern where God is calling me next.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
“In quiet and in trust your strength lies” (Isaiah 30:15)
As I’ve spent the last couple days getting ready to fly out to Germany, it’s been difficult to suppress my very human reaction of fear. I found myself kneeling in Adoration a couple nights ago, thinking, “Oh, God, what am I getting myself into now?” I found myself questioning my trip, questioning the discernment that I’ve done up to this point, questioning God speaking in my life at all.
And, in His love for me, God has once again showed up to comfort me, despite the fact that I still struggle in the same things. During Lauds this morning, we read Psalm 77:
“Will the Lord reject us for ever?
Will he show us his favor no more?
Has his promise come to an end?
Does God forget his mercy or in anger withhold his compassion?”
No. He does not. His love and his promises endure forever, “to the thousandth generation.” And so...
“I remember the deeds of the Lord,
I remember your wonders of old,
I muse on all your works and ponder your mighty deeds.”
I have a new hopefulness as I start my journey today, and a renewed sense of trust in the Lord. He hasn’t led me astray since. I pray that this trip, although short, will prove this passage from Isaiah true:
“No longer will your Teacher hide himself, but with your own eyes you shall see your Teacher, while from behind, a voice shall sound in your ears: ‘This is the way; walk in it’” (30:20-21).
St. Therese, pray for us!
And, in His love for me, God has once again showed up to comfort me, despite the fact that I still struggle in the same things. During Lauds this morning, we read Psalm 77:
“Will the Lord reject us for ever?
Will he show us his favor no more?
Has his promise come to an end?
Does God forget his mercy or in anger withhold his compassion?”
No. He does not. His love and his promises endure forever, “to the thousandth generation.” And so...
“I remember the deeds of the Lord,
I remember your wonders of old,
I muse on all your works and ponder your mighty deeds.”
I have a new hopefulness as I start my journey today, and a renewed sense of trust in the Lord. He hasn’t led me astray since. I pray that this trip, although short, will prove this passage from Isaiah true:
“No longer will your Teacher hide himself, but with your own eyes you shall see your Teacher, while from behind, a voice shall sound in your ears: ‘This is the way; walk in it’” (30:20-21).
St. Therese, pray for us!
Saturday, March 7, 2009
"My heart is ready, O God, my heart is ready..."
God has been moving in very powerful, very tangible ways the last couple of weeks. It’s almost unreal, actually; just when I start thinking that the Lord has stopped, He shows me that there is always more!
Recently, I have been struggling with my identity; I realized I was buying into too many lies about myself, and living trapped in them. I was beginning to question my role here, my place in the community, friendships I have made, and whether or not I have anything to offer to others (I say that I was struggling with this recently, but in all actuality, I think it’s fair to say that it’s something I have dealt with all my life...). Things finally kind of came crashing down around me, and I realized (with the help of a healing retreat we attended here at camp) that I had some wounds that ran very deep as far as my identity was concerned, and I was in need of some healing.
If there’s one thing I have learned since the whole process of me coming to Covecrest started, it’s that God answers prayers—and often in radical ways! The healing retreat was the catalyst for a whole host of revelations through prayer and affirmation that have empowered me to stand in the light of Christ’s truth and live out my true identity—as God’s daughter, as Beloved—with strength and courage.
One of these revelations came through a moment of prayer during one of our days of missionary formation. I came to realize that God is calling me more to prayer—to let Him speak to my heart, to go deeper with Him and in Him. The Lord wants all of me. I feel like God is stretching me, but my habit of resistance makes the process more difficult, and puts me in danger of snapping. If I would release my hold and let Him stretch me, it would come gradually and without pain and make me stronger.
As I was praying about that, I had an image of myself going through the process similar to that of hand-blown glass. There’s a difference between a hand-blown glass vase and a glass bottle that comes from a factory. A glass bottle is functional—sometimes, with a good design, it can even be somewhat attractive—it will serve it’s purpose, it will hold things, and pour those things out. It is still a vessel. My heart up until now has looked a lot like that glass bottle; I can do the work God has set out for me on my own, without prayer. I can even be somewhat successful; I will lead a good life, and people will admire my work and thank me for all the good things I’m doing.
But the Lord desires to make me beautiful—to make me handcrafted artwork. There is pride in something handcrafted; skill is required. God wants to be the Master Craftsman in my life, to show me off, to make me unique. The Lord takes pride in His work; He wants others to wonder at the beauty of it and how He could make something so amazing. Something that is made from hand-blown glass is a vessel, just like that glass bottle is, but it is special, set apart; you don’t just bring it out for anyone to use. You take pride in it, and protect it to make sure it’s kept whole, intact, and beautiful. And in order for the artist to make that hand-blown glass, it needs to be pliable, moldable, heated in the furnace so that it can be shaped. I must continually put my cold, glassy heart in the furnace of prayer to make it warm and pliable and burning and vibrant—and only then can the Lord use it to its fullest potential.
I need to stop handing Him a glass bottle when He asks for my heart.
The Lord is continuing to mold me and shape me into His own; He is far from done with me yet! I feel like I am starting to more closely resemble the image of that beautiful vase made of hand-blown glass, as I am everyday required to plunge back into the furnace of prayer. I am being made for more, for a purpose that only God knows, but is revealing to me in time.
Please keep me in your prayers as I continue to discern God’s will for me. I’ll be flying to Germany on Wednesday to visit another Life Teen missionary friend of mine, and to discern whether or not I am called to join in with her mission of new evangelization next year. As always, I am praying for you out here in Tiger, GA, and would love to hear how God is moving in your life!
Recently, I have been struggling with my identity; I realized I was buying into too many lies about myself, and living trapped in them. I was beginning to question my role here, my place in the community, friendships I have made, and whether or not I have anything to offer to others (I say that I was struggling with this recently, but in all actuality, I think it’s fair to say that it’s something I have dealt with all my life...). Things finally kind of came crashing down around me, and I realized (with the help of a healing retreat we attended here at camp) that I had some wounds that ran very deep as far as my identity was concerned, and I was in need of some healing.
If there’s one thing I have learned since the whole process of me coming to Covecrest started, it’s that God answers prayers—and often in radical ways! The healing retreat was the catalyst for a whole host of revelations through prayer and affirmation that have empowered me to stand in the light of Christ’s truth and live out my true identity—as God’s daughter, as Beloved—with strength and courage.
One of these revelations came through a moment of prayer during one of our days of missionary formation. I came to realize that God is calling me more to prayer—to let Him speak to my heart, to go deeper with Him and in Him. The Lord wants all of me. I feel like God is stretching me, but my habit of resistance makes the process more difficult, and puts me in danger of snapping. If I would release my hold and let Him stretch me, it would come gradually and without pain and make me stronger.
As I was praying about that, I had an image of myself going through the process similar to that of hand-blown glass. There’s a difference between a hand-blown glass vase and a glass bottle that comes from a factory. A glass bottle is functional—sometimes, with a good design, it can even be somewhat attractive—it will serve it’s purpose, it will hold things, and pour those things out. It is still a vessel. My heart up until now has looked a lot like that glass bottle; I can do the work God has set out for me on my own, without prayer. I can even be somewhat successful; I will lead a good life, and people will admire my work and thank me for all the good things I’m doing.
But the Lord desires to make me beautiful—to make me handcrafted artwork. There is pride in something handcrafted; skill is required. God wants to be the Master Craftsman in my life, to show me off, to make me unique. The Lord takes pride in His work; He wants others to wonder at the beauty of it and how He could make something so amazing. Something that is made from hand-blown glass is a vessel, just like that glass bottle is, but it is special, set apart; you don’t just bring it out for anyone to use. You take pride in it, and protect it to make sure it’s kept whole, intact, and beautiful. And in order for the artist to make that hand-blown glass, it needs to be pliable, moldable, heated in the furnace so that it can be shaped. I must continually put my cold, glassy heart in the furnace of prayer to make it warm and pliable and burning and vibrant—and only then can the Lord use it to its fullest potential.
I need to stop handing Him a glass bottle when He asks for my heart.
The Lord is continuing to mold me and shape me into His own; He is far from done with me yet! I feel like I am starting to more closely resemble the image of that beautiful vase made of hand-blown glass, as I am everyday required to plunge back into the furnace of prayer. I am being made for more, for a purpose that only God knows, but is revealing to me in time.
Please keep me in your prayers as I continue to discern God’s will for me. I’ll be flying to Germany on Wednesday to visit another Life Teen missionary friend of mine, and to discern whether or not I am called to join in with her mission of new evangelization next year. As always, I am praying for you out here in Tiger, GA, and would love to hear how God is moving in your life!
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