What have they got that I ain't got?

“It is Jesus that you seek when you dream of happiness; he is waiting for you when nothing else you find satisfies you; he is the beauty to which you are so attracted; it is he who provides you with that thirst for fullness that will not let your settle for compromise; it is he who urges you to shed the masks of a false life; it is he who reads in your hearts your most genuine choices, the choices that others try to stifle. It is Jesus who stirs in you the desire to do something great with your lives, the will to follow an ideal, the refusal to allow yourselves to be grounded down by mediocrity, the courage to commit yourselves humbly and patiently to improving yourselves and society, making the world more human and fraternal.” (Pope John Paul II)

Thank you, JPII, for articulating exactly what it is I so often hope to say.

While I love this quote in its entirety, I especially love how he talks about “the courage to commit yourselves humbly and patiently to improving yourselves and society...” I think this is really what this year is all about for me—or, at least, it informs a lot of what we do, and why we do it, and how.

I’ve never really thought about needing courage to be humble and patient before, but there was a very good reason JPII used that word (I mean, he was the Pope, after all; I think it’s safe to assume he’s got some things figured out!). So, why would he say that? Why would we need courage to be humble and patient?

Humility requires the courage to believe that someone else knows better than you. It requires trust—sometimes trust in a person you’re still not so sure of. Humility requires the courage to look at yourself in the mirror and still be able to say, “I am worth something,” while at the same time acknowledging that everyone else is as good as—better, even—than you. Courage is necessary if you are going to be truly humble in a world that says, “Look at me! Tell me all the good things I’ve done!” It means being willing to be overlooked, undervalued—manipulated even—all because you point to something greater.

You need courage for patience so that you don’t become discouraged when things don’t go your way, or don’t happen on time, or unforeseen circumstances pop up. You need courage to be patient in the face of other people telling you to give up, for ridiculing you for pursuing something of seemingly no (earthly) worth.

Courage is necessary for me to keep going every day, to look at myself and see where I lack, and to know what to do to fix it. Courage is knowing when to ask for help. Courage is not being afraid of failure, but embracing it as one step on the road toward perfection. Courage means knowing that I’ll never be perfect, but I’m going to try anyway.

I have a long way to go before I become truly humble or patient, but I feel like God is slowly re-forming my heart so that I am confident in being small, and excited about being unnoticed. It’s crazy, I know. So keep praying for me, because it’s going to be a long, hard journey, and I’ll need all the help I can get!

“Remain in my love”

The last couple weeks, I’ve been praying about my identity in Christ—and, wouldn’t you know it, we’ve actually been talking about it in formation a lot too. A couple days ago, we talked about the fact that when God revealed Himself to Moses (and later on, when Jesus makes the most definite statements about who He is), he says “I AM,” and not “I DO.” And that’s the same way God is calling me to form my identity—not as “I do,” but as “I am.”

So, I’ve realized that I do not want to be valued or loved for what I do, but for who I am; not for things I say or tasks I can complete or roles I can fill. I want to be loved. And I realize that right now there is really only one person who can fit that bill. The only times my heart has been fulfilled in its desire to have someone say, “you are beautiful, and I love you, remain in me” have been when Jesus says that exact thing. It penetrates to my soul, it fills me up, it makes me beautiful and keeps me going.

“Arise my beloved, my beautiful one, and come!”

At the same time, I think if I want people to love me for who I am, I have to be willing to share that with others, to open my heart to the people I meet—not dodge the subject, not try to be funny, not talk about what I do because that what I think they want to hear—to unreservedly, unashamedly, unapologetically open wide my heart and invite others to look inside. I need to always return to the Lord for the answer to that question, “who are you?” I must constantly return to prayer. There will always be work, always opportunities to form community, but the real task is to rest in the fact that God is enough.

So who am I?

I am daughter.
I am bride.
I am loved beyond measure.
I am called to more: “let me see you, let me hear your voice. For you are sweet, and your voice is lovely.”
I am pursued.

Whenever I ask the Lord who I am, what I should do, His response is always, “Remain in me, remain in my love.”

May Jesus grant me the courage...