Getting out of my comfort zone

Last weekend, we had our first experience with a group coming up on retreat here at Covecrest. We had been praying for the two groups all week, just asking that the Holy Spirit open our hearts and for all of us to really be present for everyone during their time here, but, I’m not going to lie, I was more than a little nervous at the idea. I’m not used to trying to do relational ministry with a group of teens I just met; it usually takes me awhile to build up that kind of relationship. Added to this is the fact that relational ministry is something I struggle with in general, something that I have to really make an effort to do. It is just not natural for me, although I’d like to think I’ve gotten a little more comfortable with “loving on” teens through my experience at Blessed Kateri.

I guess the real issue is that I still just haven’t wrapped my mind around this whole idea of being a missionary. What does that even mean?

The groups arrived, we were introduced, and I fell into my very comfortable routine of making sure all the i’s were dotted and all the t’s were crossed: I did laundry, I served meals, I vacuumed...you know, all those things I tend to do because I’m really trying to avoid making myself vulnerable. I figure, if I keep busy, no one will notice that I tend to avoid what is really the heart of Life Teen and of Covecrest, because someone else will come along who is just a lot better at it than I am, and I will stay safe and unchallenged.

I think you might be able to guess where this is going...

So the youth minister for one of the groups asked some of us to be a part of a session where we prayed over teens who were either getting ready for or coming out of Reconciliation. Reluctantly, I volunteered. I was sitting out in Mike’s Place field, wondering how in the world teens were going to feel comfortable coming up to me, someone they had never talked to, to ask for prayer. I figured if I saw anyone at all, they would ask me to pray for their soccer tryouts, or their sick grandma...things that aren’t too personal. That’s when the first teen walked up. This girl sat down, and with tears in her eyes, opened her heart up to me and poured out how she was struggling in her life. We talked about what she was going through and then we prayed together. And then another girl came over, saying her friend told her she should talk to me.

I had such humble joy in knowing that these girls trusted me enough to open themselves up like that, especially because I felt so unprepared and unworthy. It gave a whole new meaning to the phrase “in your weakness, He is strong.” The reality, I think I’m beginning to realize, is that being a missionary carries with it a certain significance. It’s almost like just because we are missionaries here, there is an implicit tendency to trust us. What a huge responsibility. I just hope I can live up to it.

Right now, I'm loving just learning how to live into this missionary life, in all its forms. Today I helped fill in a big ol' ditch that Jason had laid some pipe down in for a new water supply to some of the cabins. That was a new experience for me...and although I'm tired and I think I have a blister forming on one of my thumbs, I can go to bed tonight knowing that I did some legitimate work to make some people's experience here at camp a little better.